Dating | Self Confidence

I don’t claim to be a dating expert by any means. Hey, I’ve had more of my fair share of disasters, dilemmas and even drama but what I can share is my tips and tricks of what I’ve learnt from relationships, being single and dating. It’s always been a hush hush secret of mine but now I’m starting to lift the lid on the secrets of my dating past - hold tight there’s enough to write a book!

Let’s start right at the beginning. I’d had boyfriends in the past, mostly through school and even one with a boy I’d met on Myspace who went to the school down the road, who to this day we still speak from time to time! I guess internet dating has always been a thing! But my first real long term boyfriend is where I remember it most vividly. 

This may come as a bit of a surprise but I’m actually really shy. I’ve always had the reputation of being the confident one in the workplace, the chatty one and the one who isn’t scared to stand in front of directors and challenge them (I was went for an interview and the retail director was sat in on the interview and he asked where do you see yourself in ten years time and without even thinking I responded in your position right now, I was nineteen at the time and to say he was a little taken a back would be an understatement) I’ve always known my self worth and I say I’m quietly confident. BUT, the workplace and the realm of dating are two very different worlds!

I made a promise to myself when I come out of my long term relationship, a promise I think any single person should make to themselves when coming out of a relationship and that was to find myself. To love myself first and to build on my own character. For once I wasn’t afraid of being alone, doing things alone and enjoying my own company (which has later become a bit of an issue as I prefer my own company to others but you win some you lose some!) I was always so afraid of spending a night in alone and I knew it was time to make a change. I found new hobbies, I went and got a totally different career, I went to the gym and the main one, I worked on my confidence.

In a relationship you tend to become very comfortable, I’d got to that stage very quickly and I didn’t enjoy it. I’d lost a part of me and I become reliant (heavily) on the other person and it wasn’t healthy for either of us. I’d once been a very outgoing, confident party girl who had become timid and unsure. That needed to change. The biggest thing for me was to become body confident, I’d always been pretty tiny but I had put on a little weight and I wasn’t as toned as I once was, off to the gym I went, a whole new body shape later and some new profile photos which I absolutely loved.

Once I’d built up enough confidence, and I had these new photos I knew online dating sites was the way to go. It was a way for me to speak with people without the fear of rejection. It worked wonders, I was growing even more in confidence and I feel it helped me get back to the once confident individual I used to be. I was speaking to people from all different backgrounds, lawyers, doctors, photographers and more. People I wouldn’t bump into in day to day life and that intrigued me more. Whilst I haven’t found my long term life partner on there I have met some amazing men. Some of who are still my closest friends. There are so many people that are probably in the same boat, given up with the bar chat, not quite as confident anymore, just come out of a relationship and don’t really know how to get back in the dating game - it’s all a lesson and it’s forever changing so it’s completely normal.

I think online dating gives us a sense of confidence, but in a good way. We all know people hide behind keyboards now but this is a confidence which is good for us all. WE can speak to people, from both parties and not worry about the rejection. For me I have to get to know someone before I even think of dating them, I need to know if they tick certain boxes with me and eventually want the same kind of things and speaking to someone prior to a date gives you topics discuss further on the physical date. We all know there is nothing worse than awkward silences so at least if you have some background on the person already that doesn’t have to be the case - think of it as my perfect no awkward silence formula. 

There are so many free dating sites and ones such as match me happy and we love dates to choose from it doesn’t have to be the time old Tinder (which actually some of my closest friends have met their other halves on so don’t knock it until you’ve tried it!) It’s worth putting yourself out there and on numerous different sites as each of them has their own matching techniques and different kinds of people on them so until you find out a site which has your perfect formula, why not give them all a go?

Girl, go put on those new shares, shake that new hairstyle, put on that new lipstick and get those photos onto as many sites as possible. Call it networking - if you don’t find a man, you may end up with a whole network of friends and friends have friends right?

Let me know how you met your partner, have you ever tried internet dating?